The Private Gym Bill Of Rights

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The Private Gym Bill of Rights

We the owners of private gyms, in Order to form a more perfect facility, establish PRs, insure quality equipment, provide for the common lifter, promote the general strength, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Bill of Rights for the Private Gyms of the World.




Article I – Gym Owner Freedom of Speech and Rule-making

Section I

  • It doesn’t matter if you like the gym owner or not – he pays the bills. Respect shall be given to the owner of the club.

Section II

  • The owner has the right to refuse entry to anyone for any reason. He can throw people out or ask them to leave for any reason. Membership can be revoked for any reason.

Section III

  • The owner has the right to change these rules at any time.


Article II – Right to a Clean Facility

Section I

  • Re-rack all weights even if you didn’t use them. The location you should put them is not where it is most convenient for you,  but rather where they’re supposed to go.

 

See anything wrong with this picture?

 

Section II

  • Leave the gym in better condition than it was found.

Section III

  • Clean all sweat, blood, zit puss, etc., off pads and mirrors. Wipe pads off when you’re done.

Section IV

  • If you notice trash on the floor – pick it up. If you don’t notice trash on the floor – look harder.

Section V

  • Don’t track rain, snow, dirt or mud onto the gym floor unless you plan on cleaning it up.

Section VI

  • Flush toilet after using. Wipe lid if needed.

Article III – Conditions for the Attitude of Lifters

Section I

  • Come to train, not “workout.”

Section II

  • Leave your personal drama at home.

Section III

  • Check your ego at the door.

Section IV

  • No excuses. Train like a champ.

Section V

  • No whining.

Section VI

  • Help others be better than you.

Article IV – Right of Regulated Training

Section I

  • The group determines how the group will train. Your style of training and thoughts on training don’t matter. You do have the right to train as you wish, but if you’re training negatively affects the group training in any way, that lift needs to be trained on a different day or at a different time.

Section II

  • If you see a technical flaw in someone else, help to correct it.

Section III

  • No mindless chatter – we’re here to train, not hang out.

Section IV

  • Don’t speak to someone in the middle of a set or walk in front of someone doing a set.

Article  V – Provisions Concerning Hygiene

Section I

  • Come dressed to train. And make sure your clothes are washed.

Section II

  • Don’t smell like shit. Use deodorant.

Section III

  • If blood splatters in the bathroom, clean it up.

Section IV

  • Don’t spit on the floor.

Article 6 – Right of Respect

Section I

  • Leave your drugs at home.

Section II

  • If you’re contagious – stay home.

Section III

  • Respect others.

Section IV

  • Don’t be late.

Section V

  • In the gym, we’re all equal.

Section VI

  • No stealing.

Section VII

  • Pay your dues on time or ahead of time.

A little known fact – most hardcore gyms go out of business not because of members, but because of members that don’t pay. Every private gym owner that we’ve spoken to has enough members to break even, so have enough respect to pay your dues and keep your private gym open. The second reason they close is that the owners get sick of all the B.S. listed in this article and just move what they need back into their garage and close up shop.

After reviewing this list and all the “I hate commercial gym articles,” we’ve come to the realization that most people have more respect for their commercial gyms than the private gyms we have all worked so hard to create. Most people who train at private gyms are in violation of at least 70 percent of the rules on this list, but will follow the lame commercial gym rules to  “T.” If commercial gyms suck so badly, why do you follow their rules (yes you bitch about them, but you DO follow them), but then turn around and NOT follow the rules of the very place you always wanted to be? Why would you respect the commercial gym more when they have 10 times the number of rules, but totally disrespect the place you always wished to be? This left us private gym owners no option but to write the declaration of private gyms.

Thank you,

Federation for the Underground Associations of Strength

F.U.P.A.S.

For a desktop wallpaper version of this picture, click here.


To Sum it All Up

So you just bought a brand new car a few moths ago and finally got it back from being detailed.  One of your buddies asks to borrow it and you figure “what the hell” and let him take it out for a spin. As he backs out, all you ask is he bring it back with a full tank.

HOURS later he rolls up and as you look over the car you notice it’s covered in mud, all the windows are down, the mirrors are all jacked up and the entire inside is coated with 1/4-inch of dirt. All the seat settings are changed to suit all his buddies, the right rear stereo speaker is blown and all your CD covers are cracked, broken or lost.  The right tire is half-full, one of the headlights is cracked, the ash tray is filled with used dip balls, gum wrappers and so much other crap the top of the tray won’t close. There are spit cups in the floor, spit stains on the passenger side interior, a couple used condoms in the back seat, all your stuff in the glove box is gone, the steering wheel is sticky as hell and, after all this, the gas tank is on E.

Your buddy gets out of the car, tosses you the keys and without even a simple thank you walks away. Why not? He’s entitled right?

How is this different than what a typical private gym owner has to deal with?

His gym and equipment costs more than your car.

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